it's hard to even see thru all the tears.

today was...really, really not a good day.

...

it's been a long time since i updated. and i dont really plan on keeping it up either. i just...needed to vent for a second. i may be a bit of a masochist. not b/c i like all this pain, but b/c i guess i just recognize it and feel a sort of nostalgia to it. to the frustration, the bitterness, the sadness, etc. i actually kind of hate it. but there's a sick comfort to its familiarity. and sadly, that may be the only good thing abt today, so im holding onto it like a life preserver.